Seven... such a good number. Seven is good luck. There are seven sacred teachings, seven directions (when you include above, below and within) and now, seven sweet babies that have passed through my hands in their first moments of life on the outside.
What I'm finding is that it is this last point; the necessity of intervention which is at the cusp of any management decision. Working in this medical center among obstetricians and specialists of all flavors, what I'm learning is that there are plenty of situations in which a pleathora of interventions are vital. Critical situations happen and we are very blessed to live in time and place where we have the means to correct them. I do not question the value of these, nor the importance of team work among health care providers of all types. These are essential, always.
What is interesting as a midwifery student and young woman with 32 years of life experience is to learn about that fine line between intervening on behalf of the woman (and her baby) and allowing her to intervene for herself (and her own family). There's a dance and balance around trusting the machines and tests that monitor her health and of trusting her. It is never black & white and I am but a baby to this profession. I cannot and will never claim to perfect the balance. However, I can feel that I am already deeply engaged in my efforts to do just that.
I am enjoying my life in LaCrosse; my current home away from home. My housemates and mentors are all kind and generous. My room is a cozy, winter cave and the dogs are sweet. I took them for a long walk along the Black River last weekend and now we're bonded. Casi is the black one and Keena is the white one.
My family back in Ashland is doing well, even without me! My dear friend says Sebastian is doing well NOT because my presence is not vital to him, but rather because I have raised him up well, in a close circle of family and friends who not only take good care of him, but also enable him to feel confident and safe even when I am far away. At first I scoffed at this and wished that my absence was more painful (not really, but this is the ego response) but as I think about it more and from my true self, I realize that this notion pleases me emensely. As a single mother, the best thing I can do for my boy is to do... just what it seems I'm doing! I want him to feel secure with plenty of people who are not me. Afterall, the days of me being the sole important adult in his life are gone. We are blessed with a close family and extended circle of friends who are like family. We are part of a community which raises up our children together. This is a great way to raise kids. I want him to feel secure in himself in every situation and setting- for that will serve him well.
I also want him to know about the challenges and joys that come with pursuing your dreams. He knows about hard work, sacrifice, discipline and success. He has seen me push through numerous challenges AND become happier and more myself through it all. He sees that life is not easy and that's ok. We live with joy and appreciation and work through the hard times. It's good to know that we can both continue to thrive even with distance between us. This is a beautiful and deep revelation- that I could not have come to without this experience.
So, in answer to people's concerned questions of how I and he are doing these days, the glad answer is: we're both doing VERY WELL. AND, we both look forward to this summer when I return home.
***Kudos to the ones who are putting their hearts and souls into caring for him; my parents and Tom.
I've found a lovely little spot in LaCrosse (on 115 S 4th St) called the Root Note, which is where I'm sitting now after drinking a delicious coffee, eating edamame and lentil soup and busting out an Advanced Women's Health forum post.
I came off a 24 hour call this morning at 8am. Three births in those 24 hours. We were blessed to attend these lovely, relatively non-interventionist births. The women all labored beautifully with courage and determination.
Is there any other way to birth, really?
Actually, there is. I've seen several women now birth in complete terror. These women have likely suffered much pain, abuse and neglect in their lifetimes. Their births seem to represent an unfortunate and inevitable ordeal when they have to fight (yet again) to live through. There tend to be many medical interventions involved in such births, and as an attendant, I am more likely to feel that I am trying in vain to rescue her from her ordeal by numbing the pain and helping her to get it over quickly. There were moments when I felt, sadly, that I may be contributing further to a sense of violation. Of course I hope that my gentle presence, selective touch and competent execution of interventions eases the distress, but I'm not convinced. Even though these births may end with a healthy mom and baby, they are hard emotionally.
There CAN BE a significant difference between experiencing the pain and labor of birth, and suffering.
For some, it is one and the same.
For others, it is not at all. I've seen women birth in quiet confidence. These women are usually well supported and healthy in their minds and spirits. If their bodies are healthy as well, it's even better. They accept the pain and instead of working against it, they seem to work WITH it. As opposed to being reduced by it, they are made bigger by it. One of the most awe inspiring aspects of attending births is in bearing witness to women stepping into their power. When they are able to do this, you can actually see a woman draw out her inner most courage and to move from a place of utter strength. I have goosebumps as I write these words... just thinking about it has such an affect on me. In these cases, my role as an attendant is to step back and hold the space. It's easy to want to step in and take a "management" role, even in these births. After all, that's what we're trained to do, and enculturated to believe that we CAN do. It's a fine line though. We don't want to step in too far and risk taking the power out of the mother's hands.
Like anything, it is a spectrum; not absolute. For we can never truly take the power out of any woman who has ever given birth to any baby in any way, however, we can do things which may reduce it unnecessarily.
What I'm finding is that it is this last point; the necessity of intervention which is at the cusp of any management decision. Working in this medical center among obstetricians and specialists of all flavors, what I'm learning is that there are plenty of situations in which a pleathora of interventions are vital. Critical situations happen and we are very blessed to live in time and place where we have the means to correct them. I do not question the value of these, nor the importance of team work among health care providers of all types. These are essential, always.
What is interesting as a midwifery student and young woman with 32 years of life experience is to learn about that fine line between intervening on behalf of the woman (and her baby) and allowing her to intervene for herself (and her own family). There's a dance and balance around trusting the machines and tests that monitor her health and of trusting her. It is never black & white and I am but a baby to this profession. I cannot and will never claim to perfect the balance. However, I can feel that I am already deeply engaged in my efforts to do just that.
I am enjoying my life in LaCrosse; my current home away from home. My housemates and mentors are all kind and generous. My room is a cozy, winter cave and the dogs are sweet. I took them for a long walk along the Black River last weekend and now we're bonded. Casi is the black one and Keena is the white one.
My family back in Ashland is doing well, even without me! My dear friend says Sebastian is doing well NOT because my presence is not vital to him, but rather because I have raised him up well, in a close circle of family and friends who not only take good care of him, but also enable him to feel confident and safe even when I am far away. At first I scoffed at this and wished that my absence was more painful (not really, but this is the ego response) but as I think about it more and from my true self, I realize that this notion pleases me emensely. As a single mother, the best thing I can do for my boy is to do... just what it seems I'm doing! I want him to feel secure with plenty of people who are not me. Afterall, the days of me being the sole important adult in his life are gone. We are blessed with a close family and extended circle of friends who are like family. We are part of a community which raises up our children together. This is a great way to raise kids. I want him to feel secure in himself in every situation and setting- for that will serve him well.
I also want him to know about the challenges and joys that come with pursuing your dreams. He knows about hard work, sacrifice, discipline and success. He has seen me push through numerous challenges AND become happier and more myself through it all. He sees that life is not easy and that's ok. We live with joy and appreciation and work through the hard times. It's good to know that we can both continue to thrive even with distance between us. This is a beautiful and deep revelation- that I could not have come to without this experience.
So, in answer to people's concerned questions of how I and he are doing these days, the glad answer is: we're both doing VERY WELL. AND, we both look forward to this summer when I return home.
***Kudos to the ones who are putting their hearts and souls into caring for him; my parents and Tom.
